Today we worked on making our recounts more interesting to the reader. We looked at a photo of Ashton swimming and wrote interesting, powerful sentences.
We started with a TELL sentence, where we just tell you what is happening.
Our tell sentence was
Tell --> I am on my back kicking
Now this sentence is fine because it tells the reader what was happening. However, we are trying to make our writing more interesting to the reader, so we have used SHOW sentences, where we are more descriptive.
Here we are sharing our writing with a classmate.
After we had finished writing, Miss Gatherer and Jerry from Room 6 visited us. They listened to the TELL sentence, then chose 4 students to read out their SHOW sentences.
We asked them to make a mental picture based on what they heard. We then showed them the photo of Ashton, and they gave us feedback on what they liked about our writing. Ngakau and Grace have shared their writing with you.
Ngakau
I am in the middle of the pool on my back kicking and gliding across the pool.
I feel the the smooth slosh of the wavy chlorinated h20.
I smell the chlorine in the pool.
I taste the moist air.
I'm not sinking because I have good relaxation in the pool.
My head is out of the water getting air.
Grace
I'm on my back about to do a big arm stroke and the water just
splashed on my face. aahhh it was refreshing, and now I'm kicking really fast like a speed boat. I'm getting really exhausted, I'm breathing really fast.
... and here is the photo.
Handwriting
We thought it might be a nice idea to share some of our handwriting with you.
We are developing our skills in correct size, slope, flicking, and for some, linking.
James, who is our student of the week, selected 3 quality examples to share with you.
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